back to the 1st piccy the feed from the headlamps is switched earth and the wire from the relay should go to bat + not earth please correct me if i am wrong but it normaly messes up the delicate light relay if you earth the wrong wires
just wiring 2x spots i had one relay with the main live going from battery to terminal30 on relay via 15amp fuse, terminal 85 is to earth. terminal 87 to live on both spots. and terminal 86 to switched live eg high beam wire at the headlamp multiplug or seperate switch hope thats a bit clearer for ya